A Hard Day

Well,  we made it through the "day" we would have taken Isaac if God hadn't taken him back too soon.  It was a good and hard day.  Tried to do my best to keep from thinking about what would have been, and what I would have been doing.  It was never meant to be.  That wasn't God's Plan or His Will for Isaac's life.

I didn't cry (which is amazing for me) until that night.  I saw a post on a blog that I've been reading for years.  She had her little boy on the same day, we would have had Isaac.  It was bitter sweet to read it.  Because she has had more pain and loss in her life than I have.  Her 1st pregnancy ended in a Miscarriage around 14 weeks.  She got pregnant with her Isaac, and found out at 18 weeks or so, he wouldn't survive after birth.  Isaac was born in March and lived for 16 minutes.  She then had a little girl and then another miscarriage around 6 weeks.  Then she and I got pregnant with my Isaac and her Jacob at about the same time.  But I lost Isaac at 15 1/2 weeks.

So she knows the pain I feel, she knows what it is like to watch people having babies when you have lost so much.  So I am so happy for her, and she deserves this joy in her life.  But I'm sad for me.  Because every time I see a "he's a month, or year" pictures, I'll think that could be "Isaac".  Or Isaac could be doing that and so much more.  So for now, I'm going to have to take a break from the blog.  Just to painful to see and read the updates.

So don't ever feel bad if you have to take a break from a friendship or whatever for a bit when your healing.  You need to do what will help you heal.  And if their really your friend, they'll understand and give you space.  And they'll be there for you when your ready to come back.  You'll find out who really isn't your friend quickly too.  When you need them, they'll never there.  They ignore you and don't ever have time for you.  It is sad, that sometimes it takes a tough and such a hard loss to find out the truth about your friendships.

So, now we're onto the "due date" of Isaac.  It will be the 6th of January.  It is also our 11th Wedding Anniversary.  So hubby and I are going to a hotel for the night and having some alone time.   It will give us time to just hold each other and bond.  I miss my babies and I know they are healthy and having so much fun in Heaven.  But that doesn't make me miss them any less.

Just remember to lean on God through your pain.  He is the most important part in your healing.  He wants to help you heal and grow.

Christi