So Hard....
I have been doing so good the past 2 weeks. I have been able to get through each day without breaking down. But for some reason tonight, I lost it. I was in the car driving home and just started crying. I couldn't stop. I got to the grocery store and just sat there and cried.
I called out to God, I cried out to God, and asked God to help me. I can't do it without him. I need God!! I need God to heal my heart and help me through my grieving. I am and will continue to lean on God.
I miss my Isaac so much! I love him so much and wish he could be with me. But I wouldn't trade knowing where he is for anything. I know that God has a reason for taking him so early. I also wouldn't change what happened. I know that is hard to believe and maybe I am crazy. But without the struggle and pain of losing Issac, I would never know how strong I truly am. I am only strong because of my Faith and Love of Christ and God. I would love to have my baby here with me. But I know he is having so much fun in Heaven. He has so many kids to play with up there and there is no pain and no evil up there. How could I ask him to come here and live in this world? I can't. I will see him once again when God calls me home. Until then I will go on and just continue to ask God to carry me when I can't walk.
I am sure it makes it harder that Hubby is out of town again. He is travelling more than he use to with the new position. So I am having to get use to parenting as a single mom when he is not here. Thankfully, my mom is here to help at times so that is relief.
So here I am again, just trying to through today and praying tomorrow will be a better day.
Christi
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