One year ago, my world was shaken for the second time in less than 15 weeks.
I will never forget that day. My daughter woke up throwing up. After I finally got her settled, I went to the bathroom. When I wiped I saw blood. My heart stopped. I was (so I thought about 5 1/2 weeks pregnant). And knew what it meant when I saw blood. We had lost another baby. I cried and was in shock. Not again, my d...
octor said it wouldn't happen again.
I went and told my husband right before he was walking out the door to go to work. He said he'd meet me at my doctors office in the morning, after I called and got an appointment. But thankfully he decided to work from home until we could get in. I'm glad because I didn't want to drive by myself.
So I called at 9am and they told me to come in. I was still bleeding lightly. And I was crying out to God, not to let this happen again. I remember getting on my knee's before we left and just praying that God would give us a miracle and that this baby would be alive and live.
We got to the doctor's office around 10:30ish. They brought us straight back and did the u/s. The poor lady had to tell us there was no heartbeat and that I was 7weeks and 1 day along. Farther than I thought, which meant we got pregnant about 5 weeks after our 1st loss.
They put me in my doctor's office to wait until we could talk to him. I just sat in there and cried. How could this be happening again? Why us twice? What did I do wrong? What's wrong with me body?
We waited for like 30 minutes, I was upset that they made us wait like that. Of course he wanted to do an D&C right away, and I said no. That we would wait this time to allow my body to deliver the baby on it's own.
The doctor wasn't very happy at 1st, but then I reminded him that I had already had 3 D&C's in the past 10 years. Only 1 for a miscarriage (14 1/2 week before to get the placenta out after I delivered our 1st loss). And that I wasn't going to do that to my body again. So he told me what to expect and to call the office if I had any questions. And if I was concerned to come back in.
So we left, with only a picture of our sweet baby, and broken hearts and shaddered dreams again. I cried all the way home. I told my husband we needed to name this baby. That it isn't right not to give him/her a name. I said I feel like the baby is a boy, and that I wanted to name him Sweet Pea. So that is what we did.
We went home and I went to sleep. And hubby went to his mom's house to work. Thankfully my mom was there to take care of my daughter and my other kids when they got home from school.
The very next day, I delivered my 7th child in the bathtub. What my doctor said could take weeks, took 1 day. My body did what it was suppose to do.
So now a year later, I'm still sad at times (better than I was), I'm still grieving, and I miss my babies everyday. I've learned a lot about myself. My relationship with God has grown and be strengthen. I trust him more than I ever did before. God has shown me little by little why He allowed us to go through 2 losses.
God reminds me daily that my babies are safe and happy and that I will see them again.
My husband has grown. He's still sad at times, and I know he misses our babies even if he doesn't show it the same way.
I thank God for my trials. Without them, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have started this page, I wouldn't have started making baby blankets for mommies that have lost their babies, and I would have thought to send Birthday cards for parents for their Angel's Birthdays.
I have learned to use my trials and grieve for good. I was determined after my 1st loss to make something good come from my pain. And I plan to continue to do so. I've wanted to start a support group for miscarriages, baby loss, and infant loss at my church. I'm making an appointment to talk to the person in charge of the support groups again to get started on that. In our area, there are only 2 support groups. That makes me sick. That with all the people in this area, that there aren't more. Us mommies need that support, and if there isn't one close by, then by gosh I'm starting one!
So any ways, that's where I am today, I year later. I've gotten this far, only because of God's strength and love. He has given me a caring and supportive husband, and a handful of friends that love me and support me. Some of them have never been through a loss, but do their best to be there for me. And let me tell you, they've done a great job!
Enjoy,
Christi Orme
