October 30, 2011

I have 2 Choices


I have realized that I have 2 Choices on how I can deal with the pain and grieve we have been dealt over the past several months.

1. I could stay bitter and upset with God for allowing us to lose 2 babies.

2. I can choose to trust God, use my pain for his Glory, and Praise God for what I do have.

*I have 7 babies.
*I have 5 with me (1 saved and praying for the other 4)
*I have 2 babies in Heaven with my Heavenly Father
*I have a Heavenly Father who loves me
*I have a Husband that love me so much!
*I have some very good friend that love me and check on me often
*I have family that love me
*I have a home filled with Love
*I have a Van that can fit all of our kids plus more
*I have food to eat and feed my kids
*My Hubby has a job
*I have a job I love...Scentsy
*I have a Church Family that loves us

And so much more....So I am choosing #2. I will Praise God through the pain and heartache. Anyone that has ever been through a Miscarriage, Stillborn, or Infant Loss will tell you it to so easy to be mad at God, at the world, and to go into a depression. But it is harder to pick yourself up and keep going. You have to choose every day to trust God and move forward.

I want to get to a point where I can use my pain and suffering to bring Glory to God. I want to minister to God's people who are not saved and been through the heartache of losing a baby. I know in doing so, it will help me heal and will help other moms see the Love Of Christ.

I hate the pain that comes with losing a baby. I went to fill out our White Board Calendar for the month of November. So I got my pocket Calendar to find out what's going on next month. And the 1st thing I see is the sonogram I scheduled for November 7th. I wanted to cry. I knew when I made it, for some reason, we wouldn't make it that far. I didn't want to schedule it at all. And maybe next time I will listen to myself and not schedule anything for a while. It is so hard to have Faith and Believe when you have so much pain hitting you like a brick.

But I will continue to pray that when God blesses us again, that that Baby will "stick". I DON'T ever want to go through losing another baby again. I know God knows that, and I pray and I mean pray that God will not allow us to lose another baby.

I also feel like Satan is using the miscarriages to try and bend my Faith. But I will not let it. My Faith is based on more than whether we have Healthy Babies. I will not let this or anything else bend my Faith. I will not lie, this one was harder. I was mad and frustrated at God. I just didn't and will never understand why God would allow this to happen to us again. Much less 2 in less than 14 weeks. But I know God doesn't cause the pain in our lives, but he does allow it to happen. But I also believe God allows the pain so we can turn it around and use it for God's Glory.

So I will choose every day to trust God, Love God, Lean on God when I can't go anymore, and I will teach my Children to turn their downs into Glory and Praises to God. Because without God I wouldn't be at strong as I am. I am nothing without God, and I need God every single day!! I wouldn't want to go even 1 day without God!!!


Christi