I am excited that my friend, Tricia, from Lil Angels Hankies shared my blog yesterday. I've had some new visitors! I hope if you come by you'll click to be one of my followers.
I started this blog to give me a place to share my story of Isaac's and Sweet Pea's short lives. And how they have forever changed me. I hate that other mom's have gone through the pain of using a baby. But I am glad to give them a place to come to andd see they are not alone. And what they are feeling and going through is normal.
I posted this on my FB page and on a support group I am a member of: "when will the pain stop? The answer is never. It will never stop hurting. I'm separated from 2 of my babies. My heart breaks for them. God has them, I know. But my arms long to hold them, my lips long to kiss them, and my eyes long to see them for the 1st time. Time doesn't heal all wounds, and having other babies at home will never take the sting away. Nothing anyone can say or do will ever heal the pain."
It is how I am feeling. Isaac's 1st Birthday in Heaven is less than a month away. I am not sure how I will do that day. I am sure I will cry allot. I am hoping to have a birthday cake for Isaac and balloons to let go for him from all the kids and hubby and I. There won't be allot of people there. We'll do it in our back yard, where we planted Isaac's and Sweet Pea's Tree. I want just our kids, my husband, my mom, and I. I am thinking of asking a very special friend that took me to the hospital when I went into labor if she'll come. I need to talk to Hubby 1st.
Well, I guess since I have more people coming to visit my blog. I will need to start writing more and more often. I will do my best. If you come by, I hope you leave a comment. And I hope you'll become a follower :)
Enjoy,
Christi
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
I have a Dream
I have a dream just as Martin Luther King Jr. did. But my dream is a little different. My dream is for the topic of "Miscarriage" not to be taboo.
I am so sick of trying to tiptoe around people or being made like I shouldn't talk about my babies. I have a right to talk about them. Anyone who has lost a baby or babies has a right to talk about them. No matter how far along you were, they will always be your babies.
Having a miscariage is so much more common than most people realize. 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in a miscarriage. That's allot. And do you realize how islocated we feel? We're made to feel like it isn't soomething we should talk about or that people don't want to hear about it. But we need to talk about it. We need to share our story. We need to heal and talking about our story helps.
I am an open book when it comes to my miscarriages. You have questions, and I have answers. I talk about my babies all the time. You ask me how many kids I have, I'll tell you 7. I am Mommy to all of them. I delivered all 7 of them. I have a right to acknogle them all. And I will continue to do it until the day God calls me home.
I have a necklace I wear. It used to be just a marriage charm. But now it has 2 heart charms too. The heart charms say "The Heart Remembers", and on the back of each charm has the name of our babies and the day I deliverd their bodies. I love these charms. I love when someone asks about my charms. Because it gives me another opporunity to talk about my babies.
What I love about sharing my story, is that it gives other mom's the opporunity to share theirs. There are so many people I have meet that have also lost babies. The thing is that unless I shared my story, I would have never known about their losses. They wouldn't have been able to share their story.
Through my pain, I have found so many blessing. One of them is being able to help other mom's feel comfortable to share their babies stories. God has lead me to so many other women that I have come to find out also has lost a baby. He has put me in situations where I am able to share my story and then able to listen to their story. It is awesome to be used by God. I love that God is using my pain for his Glory.
Today was one of those day's. I went by the AAA store to renew our membership. While I was there I was talking to the lady helping me. And then I left while she got some maps done for our trip. I had a couple stores to go to while I waited. I came back about 30 minutes later. She showed me the maps and directions and such. She then asked me about my necklace. I told her about my charms and about Isaac and Sweet Pea. She asked how far along I was with both and what happened. I told her and then made the statement "it is really hard, but so many blessing have come from it". She asked "really, how?" I told her, that I have met so many mom's that I would have never met otherwise. And how it saved my life with finding the blood clotting disorders and so many others.
She then shared her story with me. Yes, she also had a miscarriage. She lost her baby at 4 weeks into the pregnancy. It broke my heart! I asked if she had any other babies, she said no. I told her to keep praying about it and keep asking God for that baby she desires. I told her too, to always remember that she is a MOM! Just because she doesn't have a baby in her arms, she is still a mom. When she conceived that baby. We talked about seeing our babies in Heaven one day. She was so sweet! I told her about the support group that is held close by that I go too. I gave her my name and number and told her I'd love to come with me to the meeting in June.
It was definally a God moment. He had me go at that moment and had that women help me. It is amazing the way God can and will us you if you only allow Him to do so.
I hate that we lost 2 babies. But without that I wouldn't be able to minister to women and share my story and give them the opportunity to share theirs. I also wouldn't be on the mission to make Miscarriage a subject that is NO longer thought of as taboo. It happens. It happens allot. And no one should be made to feel like they can't talk about it and share their pain and hurt. No one should be made to feel or told that they can't include their baby or babies because they are no longer with them.
Your babies are your babies and you should always be to share them!
I'm sorry if this didn't make allot of sense or flow well. I sounded better in my head, lol....
Enjoy,
Christi
I am so sick of trying to tiptoe around people or being made like I shouldn't talk about my babies. I have a right to talk about them. Anyone who has lost a baby or babies has a right to talk about them. No matter how far along you were, they will always be your babies.
Having a miscariage is so much more common than most people realize. 1 in 4 pregnancies will end in a miscarriage. That's allot. And do you realize how islocated we feel? We're made to feel like it isn't soomething we should talk about or that people don't want to hear about it. But we need to talk about it. We need to share our story. We need to heal and talking about our story helps.
I am an open book when it comes to my miscarriages. You have questions, and I have answers. I talk about my babies all the time. You ask me how many kids I have, I'll tell you 7. I am Mommy to all of them. I delivered all 7 of them. I have a right to acknogle them all. And I will continue to do it until the day God calls me home.
I have a necklace I wear. It used to be just a marriage charm. But now it has 2 heart charms too. The heart charms say "The Heart Remembers", and on the back of each charm has the name of our babies and the day I deliverd their bodies. I love these charms. I love when someone asks about my charms. Because it gives me another opporunity to talk about my babies.
What I love about sharing my story, is that it gives other mom's the opporunity to share theirs. There are so many people I have meet that have also lost babies. The thing is that unless I shared my story, I would have never known about their losses. They wouldn't have been able to share their story.
Through my pain, I have found so many blessing. One of them is being able to help other mom's feel comfortable to share their babies stories. God has lead me to so many other women that I have come to find out also has lost a baby. He has put me in situations where I am able to share my story and then able to listen to their story. It is awesome to be used by God. I love that God is using my pain for his Glory.
Today was one of those day's. I went by the AAA store to renew our membership. While I was there I was talking to the lady helping me. And then I left while she got some maps done for our trip. I had a couple stores to go to while I waited. I came back about 30 minutes later. She showed me the maps and directions and such. She then asked me about my necklace. I told her about my charms and about Isaac and Sweet Pea. She asked how far along I was with both and what happened. I told her and then made the statement "it is really hard, but so many blessing have come from it". She asked "really, how?" I told her, that I have met so many mom's that I would have never met otherwise. And how it saved my life with finding the blood clotting disorders and so many others.
She then shared her story with me. Yes, she also had a miscarriage. She lost her baby at 4 weeks into the pregnancy. It broke my heart! I asked if she had any other babies, she said no. I told her to keep praying about it and keep asking God for that baby she desires. I told her too, to always remember that she is a MOM! Just because she doesn't have a baby in her arms, she is still a mom. When she conceived that baby. We talked about seeing our babies in Heaven one day. She was so sweet! I told her about the support group that is held close by that I go too. I gave her my name and number and told her I'd love to come with me to the meeting in June.
It was definally a God moment. He had me go at that moment and had that women help me. It is amazing the way God can and will us you if you only allow Him to do so.
I hate that we lost 2 babies. But without that I wouldn't be able to minister to women and share my story and give them the opportunity to share theirs. I also wouldn't be on the mission to make Miscarriage a subject that is NO longer thought of as taboo. It happens. It happens allot. And no one should be made to feel like they can't talk about it and share their pain and hurt. No one should be made to feel or told that they can't include their baby or babies because they are no longer with them.
Your babies are your babies and you should always be to share them!
I'm sorry if this didn't make allot of sense or flow well. I sounded better in my head, lol....
Enjoy,
Christi
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Mother's Day
How do you celebrate Mother's Day when you've had a loss? I asked myself that year. I have never experienced a loss of a child before.
Last year right before Mother's Day, I found out I was expecting Isaac. After 2 1/2 years, I finally conceived again. We tried for 2 1/2 years to have baby number 6. After many tears, and months of crying when Aunt Flow would come. We finally got a positive pregnancy test.
We went a couple weeks later, and saw His heartbeat. Was such an awesome feeling! Then the next night I started bleeding. I went from being on Cloud 9 to my heart stopping.
Then at 15 1/2 weeks, I found out my Sweet Isaac had passed away. I went from being so excited about having another baby, to a part of myself dying.
I asked a dear friend how she celebrates Mother's Day. She lost her daughter, at birth. Then several months later she had a miscarriage. I know she had felt the pain I was and am feeling. I knew she had wisdom I needed and wanted. She told me to do something that would help me grieve, something that would help me feel closer to my babies.
I thought about it for a while, and then it came to me. I wanted to visit Isaac. At the hospital where I delivered him they have a little garden called, The Hope Garden, where they sprinkle the ashes of babies that are born before 20 weeks. I wanted to spend some time on Saturday with Isaac. I know that Sweet Pea's body isn't at the garden. But I knew I'd feel him there too.
So I asked a friend who also lost a baby to come with me. Thankfully she did! We spent almost 2 hours there on Saturday. I had decided that I want to spend some time the Saturday before Mother's Day with my Heavenly babies. And then Sunday with my Earthly Babies from now on. I need to include all my babies in my Mother's Day. They are all my babies no matter whether or not they are in my arms or my hearts.
For me that is something I need, and thankfully I have a husband that understands and is supportive! It felt so good to spend time with my babies. All my babies. They all deserve to have some time with me.
So my friend and I went Saturday. To the Hope Garden. We brought balloons and wrote notes to our Heavenly Babies. We sat and talked and I cried. I cried for the things I would never have with my babies. I asked if it ever gets easier and that I am not sure if I will ever have another baby.
Finally we tied the notes to the balloons. I had like 8 balloons. But we waited a while before we let them go. We had 2 notes per baby. So that was a total of 6 letters. Normally if we had set the balloons within a hour or 2 of them being filled. They would have been able to take 2 notes per balloon. But because we waited so long, they didn't want to go. We tried 2 balloons each, and then 3. Nothing worked. I started to get sad.
We finally decided to do just 1 note per baby and tie all the balloons together. By the Grace of God it worked! They lifted into the air. So we took them to a place where they wouldn't get stuck in the tree, so we thought.... We took pictures and then together let them go. But with our luck, they got stuck. On the one tree limb that was anywhere close. I didn't know what to do. We tried to throw rocks at them. Didn't work. So then we started praying. We asked God to allow the balloons to go and be set free. We called to our boys to help the balloons to fly. We prayed that God would allow the wind to blow and make the tree branches and leaves to blow.
After about 5 minutes of cheering on the babies to get the balloons and praying that God would send wind. The balloons were flying. They flew and flew and went into the clouds. We watched until we couldn't see the balloons anymore. We sat and talked a bit more and just enjoyed the peace and comfort of knowing our babies were close.
It was an awesome time and so peaceful.
Then Sunday, I got to spend the day with my Hubby and with my Earthly Babies. I got to sleep in and then away to laundry. But that's ok, because I am grateful to have kids to have clothes to wash for.... Then I got cards, one for each of my Earthly Babies, and then lawn art for each of my babies. And I mean all of them!! My mom and hubby got one for all 7 of my babies. I cried....not sad tears but happy tears. Tears that all my babies were included. That all my babies were remembered and included. It touched my heart. It made my heart filled. It gave me day peace. I got to put them all in our garden and put Isaac's and Sweet Pea's Windmills by there Tree we planted out back.
I can't tell you how much my Mother's Day did my heart good. But I can tell you it did. I told my hubby that I would like him to do something like that and include Isaac and Sweet Pea for every Mother's Day. He doesn't have to do that for everything, just for Mother's Day. I need that and I want that.
I have the best Mom and Husband in the whole world. For them to include my babies that aren't here anymore. Is just awesome. And most husband won't do this. Not because their mean and heartless. But because they don't know how to do it or that you want them to do it. You have to speak up and tell your husband what you want. And do it nicely.
I hope that even if you have babies in Heaven, that you were able to have a good Mother's Day. Remember to do what makes you happy and what it can help to make it easier and more peaceful for you!
This is a Lavender Twist Redbud. It is in the Weeping Willow Family.
Last year right before Mother's Day, I found out I was expecting Isaac. After 2 1/2 years, I finally conceived again. We tried for 2 1/2 years to have baby number 6. After many tears, and months of crying when Aunt Flow would come. We finally got a positive pregnancy test.
We went a couple weeks later, and saw His heartbeat. Was such an awesome feeling! Then the next night I started bleeding. I went from being on Cloud 9 to my heart stopping.
Then at 15 1/2 weeks, I found out my Sweet Isaac had passed away. I went from being so excited about having another baby, to a part of myself dying.
I asked a dear friend how she celebrates Mother's Day. She lost her daughter, at birth. Then several months later she had a miscarriage. I know she had felt the pain I was and am feeling. I knew she had wisdom I needed and wanted. She told me to do something that would help me grieve, something that would help me feel closer to my babies.
I thought about it for a while, and then it came to me. I wanted to visit Isaac. At the hospital where I delivered him they have a little garden called, The Hope Garden, where they sprinkle the ashes of babies that are born before 20 weeks. I wanted to spend some time on Saturday with Isaac. I know that Sweet Pea's body isn't at the garden. But I knew I'd feel him there too.
So I asked a friend who also lost a baby to come with me. Thankfully she did! We spent almost 2 hours there on Saturday. I had decided that I want to spend some time the Saturday before Mother's Day with my Heavenly babies. And then Sunday with my Earthly Babies from now on. I need to include all my babies in my Mother's Day. They are all my babies no matter whether or not they are in my arms or my hearts.
For me that is something I need, and thankfully I have a husband that understands and is supportive! It felt so good to spend time with my babies. All my babies. They all deserve to have some time with me.
So my friend and I went Saturday. To the Hope Garden. We brought balloons and wrote notes to our Heavenly Babies. We sat and talked and I cried. I cried for the things I would never have with my babies. I asked if it ever gets easier and that I am not sure if I will ever have another baby.
Finally we tied the notes to the balloons. I had like 8 balloons. But we waited a while before we let them go. We had 2 notes per baby. So that was a total of 6 letters. Normally if we had set the balloons within a hour or 2 of them being filled. They would have been able to take 2 notes per balloon. But because we waited so long, they didn't want to go. We tried 2 balloons each, and then 3. Nothing worked. I started to get sad.
We finally decided to do just 1 note per baby and tie all the balloons together. By the Grace of God it worked! They lifted into the air. So we took them to a place where they wouldn't get stuck in the tree, so we thought.... We took pictures and then together let them go. But with our luck, they got stuck. On the one tree limb that was anywhere close. I didn't know what to do. We tried to throw rocks at them. Didn't work. So then we started praying. We asked God to allow the balloons to go and be set free. We called to our boys to help the balloons to fly. We prayed that God would allow the wind to blow and make the tree branches and leaves to blow.
After about 5 minutes of cheering on the babies to get the balloons and praying that God would send wind. The balloons were flying. They flew and flew and went into the clouds. We watched until we couldn't see the balloons anymore. We sat and talked a bit more and just enjoyed the peace and comfort of knowing our babies were close.
It was an awesome time and so peaceful.
Then Sunday, I got to spend the day with my Hubby and with my Earthly Babies. I got to sleep in and then away to laundry. But that's ok, because I am grateful to have kids to have clothes to wash for.... Then I got cards, one for each of my Earthly Babies, and then lawn art for each of my babies. And I mean all of them!! My mom and hubby got one for all 7 of my babies. I cried....not sad tears but happy tears. Tears that all my babies were included. That all my babies were remembered and included. It touched my heart. It made my heart filled. It gave me day peace. I got to put them all in our garden and put Isaac's and Sweet Pea's Windmills by there Tree we planted out back.
I can't tell you how much my Mother's Day did my heart good. But I can tell you it did. I told my hubby that I would like him to do something like that and include Isaac and Sweet Pea for every Mother's Day. He doesn't have to do that for everything, just for Mother's Day. I need that and I want that.
I have the best Mom and Husband in the whole world. For them to include my babies that aren't here anymore. Is just awesome. And most husband won't do this. Not because their mean and heartless. But because they don't know how to do it or that you want them to do it. You have to speak up and tell your husband what you want. And do it nicely.
I hope that even if you have babies in Heaven, that you were able to have a good Mother's Day. Remember to do what makes you happy and what it can help to make it easier and more peaceful for you!
My Earthly Angels and My Heavenly Angels are together
My Earthly Angel's standing by the Tree we planted
for their Brother's Isaac and Sweet Pea
This is the Tree My Hubby and I picked out to
Honor and Celebrate Isaac's and Sweet Pea's
Lives and their Part in our Family
This is a Lavender Twist Redbud. It is in the Weeping Willow Family.
I thought that was perfect. It is weeping for our Babies just as we are.
Enjoy,
Christi
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Still Living
Well, I am still here. I am still living. I am still breathing. I am still leaning on God each and every day.
I have come along ways in the past 9 months. I have learned who my real friends are. I have learned who I can truly trust and who really cares about me. I have learned how strong I am in my Faith. I have seen how strong God has molded me to become.
I miss my babies so very much. But I don't cry everyday anymore. I do cry often, though. I don't ask God why much anymore. I have learned to seek God so much more than I have ever had to. I have learned to stop talking and listen to God more. I have heard God through my heart so much more than I have ever before.
I could never have gotten to where I am now without God. He gives me the air I breath every day. He gives me the strength to get up each morning. He heals my heart a little more each day. He has given me the promise of seeing Isaac and Sweet Pea once day. He has blessed me with knowing that my babies are in Heaven. They are waiting for me.
I will NOT let the people in my life that don't care about me get to me. I will not allow someone in my life that is not safe. I will not allow things in my life to be more important that they need to be. I will not allow people to pull me down with lies or gossip. I will not allow myself to be apart of people lives or groups of people that are poison. You all those types of people and groups. I don't need them.
I went to my 1st support group meeting yesterday for Miscarriages and Baby Loss. I wasn't going to go, because my friend that was going to go with me. Couldn't because she has sick kids. I kept feeling God tell me you need to go. If you want to be able to start a group of your own, you need to start going to one. So I got up and asked my Hubby if it was still ok for me to go. He of course said yes. So I took a quick shower and got dressed. I left a little early since I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get there. I haven't been at this hospital for a long time. My dad died at this hospital, so that made it a bit harder.
But I still went. I got there around 6:15 and was told on the phone earlier that the meeting was suppose to start at 7pm. But that person was wrong, it started at 7:30. So I was a little over an hour early. So I just sat in a comfy chair and played on my phone and went potty a ton. I think it was the nerves on top of a small bladder.
So around 7:10, the lady that runs the meeting showed up. She introduced herself and she and I talked until the other ladies showed up. Only 2 other ladies showed up last night. Because I wouldn't want them sharing my info and life story with other people, I won't do that to them. So that is all I will say about them. I guess there are usually a few other ladies, but they didn't come.
We sat and talked about our stories, and what has and hasn't helped us through our journey. It was nice to be in a room with other ladies that know the pain your going through. We got done around 9:30 or so. I talked to the lady that ran the group. I told her that I wanted to be able in time to start my own group at my church. She gave me some info to go online and look at. I am excited to see where God brings me on this journey. Over all, I enjoyed the group. I hope that my friend can come with me next time. I know she could use this group too.
So that is about it. School is less than 5 week from being over. Then we have summer. I am looking forward to using my MIL's pool this summer. Because of bed rest and losing Isaac last summer, we didn't get to use it much. We are also looking forward to a much needed Family Vacation. The kids are so excited about it! And then in July I am going to the Scentsy Convention. I am looking forward to that as well.
I am so glad I got to sit down and blog. It has been a long time since I have had time. I have post in my head from time to time. Just don't have the time to post them.
So how are my followers doing? Hope to hear from you :)
Christi
I have come along ways in the past 9 months. I have learned who my real friends are. I have learned who I can truly trust and who really cares about me. I have learned how strong I am in my Faith. I have seen how strong God has molded me to become.
I miss my babies so very much. But I don't cry everyday anymore. I do cry often, though. I don't ask God why much anymore. I have learned to seek God so much more than I have ever had to. I have learned to stop talking and listen to God more. I have heard God through my heart so much more than I have ever before.
I could never have gotten to where I am now without God. He gives me the air I breath every day. He gives me the strength to get up each morning. He heals my heart a little more each day. He has given me the promise of seeing Isaac and Sweet Pea once day. He has blessed me with knowing that my babies are in Heaven. They are waiting for me.
I will NOT let the people in my life that don't care about me get to me. I will not allow someone in my life that is not safe. I will not allow things in my life to be more important that they need to be. I will not allow people to pull me down with lies or gossip. I will not allow myself to be apart of people lives or groups of people that are poison. You all those types of people and groups. I don't need them.
I went to my 1st support group meeting yesterday for Miscarriages and Baby Loss. I wasn't going to go, because my friend that was going to go with me. Couldn't because she has sick kids. I kept feeling God tell me you need to go. If you want to be able to start a group of your own, you need to start going to one. So I got up and asked my Hubby if it was still ok for me to go. He of course said yes. So I took a quick shower and got dressed. I left a little early since I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get there. I haven't been at this hospital for a long time. My dad died at this hospital, so that made it a bit harder.
But I still went. I got there around 6:15 and was told on the phone earlier that the meeting was suppose to start at 7pm. But that person was wrong, it started at 7:30. So I was a little over an hour early. So I just sat in a comfy chair and played on my phone and went potty a ton. I think it was the nerves on top of a small bladder.
So around 7:10, the lady that runs the meeting showed up. She introduced herself and she and I talked until the other ladies showed up. Only 2 other ladies showed up last night. Because I wouldn't want them sharing my info and life story with other people, I won't do that to them. So that is all I will say about them. I guess there are usually a few other ladies, but they didn't come.
We sat and talked about our stories, and what has and hasn't helped us through our journey. It was nice to be in a room with other ladies that know the pain your going through. We got done around 9:30 or so. I talked to the lady that ran the group. I told her that I wanted to be able in time to start my own group at my church. She gave me some info to go online and look at. I am excited to see where God brings me on this journey. Over all, I enjoyed the group. I hope that my friend can come with me next time. I know she could use this group too.
So that is about it. School is less than 5 week from being over. Then we have summer. I am looking forward to using my MIL's pool this summer. Because of bed rest and losing Isaac last summer, we didn't get to use it much. We are also looking forward to a much needed Family Vacation. The kids are so excited about it! And then in July I am going to the Scentsy Convention. I am looking forward to that as well.
I am so glad I got to sit down and blog. It has been a long time since I have had time. I have post in my head from time to time. Just don't have the time to post them.
So how are my followers doing? Hope to hear from you :)
Christi
Monday, April 2, 2012
April 1st (AKA April Fools Day)
How many of us have posted on FB that we were pregnant but it was just a joke?
I am guilty of this. I did it last year. Funny thing is, I was truly pregnant about 2 weeks later. I wrote that I was 5 months pregnant with our 2nd set of twins. Some people thought I was for real, others didn't believe me.
Fast forward a year, and I saw a post on one of my miscarriage support groups. They asked if anyone else had any one post for a joke that they were pregnant. The ladies were upset and hurt by this. I can understand now. I would have been hurt too. It hurts to see when people post they are pregnant, when we haven't conceived yet.
But I also feel like we need to be careful not to take everything so personal. They do it as a joke, they don't even think about how "those of us, that have lost babies" will feel. So question is, is it their responsibility to think about it or for us to just breath and let it go.
I think it goes both way. We need to stop taking things so personal and people need to start thinking about people around them. I don't think everyone truly thinks before they speak and most of them don't mean to hurt us. Now, I have seen people that do mean to hurt us, and that is just wrong.
I've had several people start talking about wanting more babies in front of me. And I just want to scream, "are you kidding me??" Do you have to talk about that right now??? In front of me?? That is where I need to remind myself, that they aren't doing it to hurt me. They just aren't thinking. They have NO idea how much that hurts.
So I am trying with myself. To try and not to take things so personal
Christi
I am guilty of this. I did it last year. Funny thing is, I was truly pregnant about 2 weeks later. I wrote that I was 5 months pregnant with our 2nd set of twins. Some people thought I was for real, others didn't believe me.
Fast forward a year, and I saw a post on one of my miscarriage support groups. They asked if anyone else had any one post for a joke that they were pregnant. The ladies were upset and hurt by this. I can understand now. I would have been hurt too. It hurts to see when people post they are pregnant, when we haven't conceived yet.
But I also feel like we need to be careful not to take everything so personal. They do it as a joke, they don't even think about how "those of us, that have lost babies" will feel. So question is, is it their responsibility to think about it or for us to just breath and let it go.
I think it goes both way. We need to stop taking things so personal and people need to start thinking about people around them. I don't think everyone truly thinks before they speak and most of them don't mean to hurt us. Now, I have seen people that do mean to hurt us, and that is just wrong.
I've had several people start talking about wanting more babies in front of me. And I just want to scream, "are you kidding me??" Do you have to talk about that right now??? In front of me?? That is where I need to remind myself, that they aren't doing it to hurt me. They just aren't thinking. They have NO idea how much that hurts.
So I am trying with myself. To try and not to take things so personal
Christi
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Been a Tough Week
On Wednesday, it marked 8 months since we said Goodbye to Isaac, and then today it marks 5 months since we said Goodbye to Sweet Pea. I pray that after the 1st year Anniversary for both, that each month won't be so hard.
I love my babies all 7 of them. I miss my last 2, but rejoice with the 5 God has blessed me to have here.
Not much has been going on. Not pregnant yet and hubby is working more. He has been travelling more. But I am grateful that God has blessed my Husband with a job, that allows me to stay home.
So what has been going on in your life? Anything good or bad you want to share?
We did have something sad happen this week and I stop and think about it. A fellow Twin Mommy lost her Battle with Cancer on Friday. She battled bone cancer for 7 years. She left behind a step daughter, a step son, and twin boy/girl that will be 11 in April. She also left behind her Husband. She was a strong Christian Women and was an awesome friend! She is truly be missed!
Christi
I love my babies all 7 of them. I miss my last 2, but rejoice with the 5 God has blessed me to have here.
Not much has been going on. Not pregnant yet and hubby is working more. He has been travelling more. But I am grateful that God has blessed my Husband with a job, that allows me to stay home.
So what has been going on in your life? Anything good or bad you want to share?
We did have something sad happen this week and I stop and think about it. A fellow Twin Mommy lost her Battle with Cancer on Friday. She battled bone cancer for 7 years. She left behind a step daughter, a step son, and twin boy/girl that will be 11 in April. She also left behind her Husband. She was a strong Christian Women and was an awesome friend! She is truly be missed!
Christi
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Tigger Targets
Mom's that have lost a baby or babies have trigger targets that make our heart hurt. The sooner we know them the better, and we need to stay away from them. Now some of those are hard to avoid, but we try are best.
Some of my trigger targets are blogs that are done by mom's that are pregnant or just had new babies. It is hard to read their post. When they talk about being tried of being pregnant, or that their tired of the morning sickness and so on. Makes me so upset. Because I would love to still be pregnant. I would give almost anything not to have lost 2 babies. And here are these pregnant momma's that are complaining. Any email from groups I am on, that have to do with a pregnant momma's, get deleted right away. Because they are also trigger targets. They make me sad, and cry. I just can't deal with it right now.
Another trigger target that is harder to control. Seeing pregnant mom's around. Seeing those big bellies makes me want to just throw up, because it causes that much stress. It is so hard and just have to tell myself to turn the other way and walk away. I try to remind myself to thank God that they still have their baby and didn't lose it like I did. Sometime it helps, and others not so much.
I have been noticing that their hasn't been allot of pregnant people at my church. Which is easier on me. But today alone, I saw at least 4 or 5. At the church my kids go to Awana's at there at least 2. I try and avoid them all. I have too. It is too painful. I think partly because I am reminded that I would still be pregnant with Sweet Pea if we hadn't lost him 4 months ago. Just a painful and sad reminder of all that I have lost.
So I am learning to stop reading those blogs, I am blocking those people on FB, and I am avoiding anyone I see that is pregnant. It is what I have to do right now to survive.
Christi
Some of my trigger targets are blogs that are done by mom's that are pregnant or just had new babies. It is hard to read their post. When they talk about being tried of being pregnant, or that their tired of the morning sickness and so on. Makes me so upset. Because I would love to still be pregnant. I would give almost anything not to have lost 2 babies. And here are these pregnant momma's that are complaining. Any email from groups I am on, that have to do with a pregnant momma's, get deleted right away. Because they are also trigger targets. They make me sad, and cry. I just can't deal with it right now.
Another trigger target that is harder to control. Seeing pregnant mom's around. Seeing those big bellies makes me want to just throw up, because it causes that much stress. It is so hard and just have to tell myself to turn the other way and walk away. I try to remind myself to thank God that they still have their baby and didn't lose it like I did. Sometime it helps, and others not so much.
I have been noticing that their hasn't been allot of pregnant people at my church. Which is easier on me. But today alone, I saw at least 4 or 5. At the church my kids go to Awana's at there at least 2. I try and avoid them all. I have too. It is too painful. I think partly because I am reminded that I would still be pregnant with Sweet Pea if we hadn't lost him 4 months ago. Just a painful and sad reminder of all that I have lost.
So I am learning to stop reading those blogs, I am blocking those people on FB, and I am avoiding anyone I see that is pregnant. It is what I have to do right now to survive.
Christi
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