Tigger Targets

Mom's that have lost a baby or babies have trigger targets that make our heart hurt.  The sooner we know them the better, and we need to stay away from them.  Now some of those are hard to avoid, but we try are best.

Some of my trigger targets are blogs that are done by mom's that are pregnant or just had new babies.  It is hard to read their post.  When they talk about being tried of being pregnant, or that their tired of the morning sickness and so on.  Makes me so upset.  Because I would love to still be pregnant.  I would give almost anything not to have lost 2 babies.  And here are these pregnant momma's that are complaining.  Any email from groups I am on, that have to do with a pregnant momma's, get deleted right away.  Because they are also trigger targets.  They make me sad, and cry.  I just can't deal with it right now.

Another trigger target that is harder to control. Seeing pregnant mom's around.  Seeing those big bellies makes me want to just throw up, because it causes that much stress.  It is so hard and just have to tell myself to turn the other way and walk away.  I try to remind myself to thank God that they still have their baby and didn't lose it like I did.  Sometime it helps, and others not so much.

I have been noticing that their hasn't been allot of pregnant people at my church.  Which is easier on me.  But today alone, I saw at least 4 or 5.  At the church my kids go to Awana's at there at least 2.  I try and avoid them all.  I have too.  It is too painful.  I think partly because I am reminded that I would still be pregnant with Sweet Pea if we hadn't lost him 4 months ago.  Just a painful and sad reminder of all that I have lost.

So I am learning to stop reading those blogs, I am blocking those people on FB, and I am avoiding anyone I see that is pregnant.  It is what I have to do right now to survive.

Christi