About Me

I am a wife of 12 years to my hubby. I am a mother of 7 blessings. I have 5 boys...yes 5 boys and one girl, and 1 baby we lost to early to know. My youngest 2 children are in Heaven. We found out at 15 1/2 weeks that our Sweet Son, Isaac had passed. He had no heartbeat and had went to be with the Lord. We found out at 7 weeks that we lost Baby Sweet Pea due to no heartbeat as well. Both losses within 14 weeks of each other. I pray everyday to try and be the Godly wife and mother I know God planned for me to be. I am still a work in progress.

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Sunday, December 9, 2012

My Healing Something Comes from Words

For as long as I can remember, God will sometimes put things on my heart in the form of words.  Sometime they are for me and other times they are meant for someone else.  I've learned that if I don't write them down right then, I lose them. The words that I heard are gone and when I try and write it later.  It's never the same.

Well, I felt it again the other day.  So I grabbed my phone and started typing.  As I typed I cried, because it was how I was feeling.  It's Christmas time and I miss my babies.  I didn't think it would be as hard as it was last year.  But I was wrong!  It's just as hard if not harder.  This would have been my babies 1st Christmas here on Earth.  But instead it's their 2nd Christmas with God.

So here is what I wrote.  My husband said it sound like 2 parts, so I will label them as such:

1st Part:

For those that have lost a baby, Christmas is never the same.

We try each year to be happy and joyful, but inside we miss them so.

We go about our day,
...
trying to be strong.

But God knows how much we hurt,
and will never truly be the same.

For those who have lost a baby,
will never have a Christmas with everyone near.

For someone is missing,
For me it's two.

Each Christmas, I think this will be easier then the one before.

And each Christmas, I find that it's just as hard as before.

For when my kids awake on Christmas morning, my heart asks where's the rest?

There are two that are missing,
Oh where did they go?

And I'm reminded that their with my Heavenly Father, Celebrating Christmas once again.

They celebrate with the One that started it all.

They have the honor of celebrating Jesus' Birthday with Him, each and every year.

But just once I wish, they could be here.

Just once to see them open the gift, they waited for all year.

Just once to see the surprise of the Tree and lights.

Just once to wish them a Merry Christmas without the tears falling from my eyes.

But this Christmas is no different, I miss them just the same.

I have two Angels missing Christmas with us this year. Both would have celebrated their 1st Christmas here on earth.

But instead they celebrate their 2nd with our King. They see what we do not.

The celebration of our Lord. They have the joy of spending Christmas with Jesus.

For my heart knows, they are much better up there.

It's doesn't stop the feeling that I miss them so very much.

My family will never be complete this side of Heaven. It will never be quite right.

For each year, there will be two missing so very dear to me.

So to Isaac and to Sweet Pea, I love you very much. Please know that my tears are so very very real. I love and miss you every single day. I thank God that I can call you my children, though I never held you once.

By: Christi Orme
 
 
 
 
2nd Part:
 
What do you think of this part? Should I add it with the 1st half? Or just leave the it with the 1st half?

What I'd give to see you just once, and hug you and kiss you until you laughed out loud. Just one day to see you run and play. 

But God called you home, so very very early. I am left to think and dream of the day, I see your faces.

Until I see you again, I will cherish your brothers and sister and hold so very dear. Because God could have taken them so very early, but blessed us with them instead.

Even though, the world has moved on, your names are less used, and your thought fades. Your Daddy and I will never forget. We will never stop loving you. Each Birthday and Christmas, that passes we miss you both so. We rejoice to know that you each have one another. We will miss you none the same.

For in this world, two babies were born. Straight to Heaven their souls did go. They joined the other children who left far too soon. And left parents mourning them as we. I've met so many so you see. So many just like me. We cry and miss you all. And will never be the same.

But in the end, that's all God's plan. He sent us Angels to make us who we are. We are forever changed because of you.

So as each Christmas and Birthday that comes and goes, we hold each other to make the pain easier to manage. For without them, I'd be a mess. Our stories might all be different, but in the end, there are the same.

So for each of you that have said goodbye far too soon. I pray God will bless you and hold you close this Christmas. Whether it's the 1st. Christmas or your 99th since you said goodbye. It hurts all the same, and just plain sucks.

Our Christmas Cards will always have someone missing and Christmas morning will never look just right.

Just remember we will never forget the pain you feel inside. For we've been there, and know it all to well. For when the world forgets, an Angel Mommy never does.
 
By: Christi Orme

 

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