I am waiting, I am waiting on you, and I am hopeful. I am waiting on you Lord even though it is painful. But patiently I will wait. While I am waiting, I will serve you. While I am waiting I will worship. I will not grow faint while I wait on you oh Lord. I will trust you and love you no matter what. I am waiting and I am painful. I am waiting, though it isn't easy, I will wait.
I am chosing to wait on the Lord. This is something I have to remind myself every day. It is not something at this point that will just happen. I need God each and every day to lead me and guide me.
I can do nothing without God! I love my God no matter what!
Christi
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
I will.....
I will LOVE God even if I never have a rainbow baby. I will LOVE God even if I never get pregnant again. I will LOVE God even if I never feel another baby move inside me again. I will LOVE God no matter what doors He opens and what doors He closes. My love for God isn't based on my situation. It based on the fact that God loved me 1st and when I was still a sinner. He sent His son to die for me. I don't deserve His love or forgiveness. But I will praise Him through the good times and bad times. I will praise God even when my hearts desires aren't answered. At the end of the day, I want all that God has planned for me and not what I think I need.
Happy Birthday
Nine years ago today I experienced the worst c-section I have ever been through. I was carrying twin boys and I couldn't go any longer. I hurt so much and I know but didn't know then, that I had carpal tunnel in my fingers up to my elbows. I couldn't move them or even change my son's diaper. So at 37 weeks and 5 days we scheduled their c-section.
Well, I was in the L&D and just wanting for them to get ready. They were told that someone was going to be going into the OR and they didn't want to wait any longer. So they did my epidural and sent me to the OR. Thing was I wasn't numb all the way. When they started to cut me open, I started to feel it on my right side. And it hurt. It hurt worse than any other pain I have ever been through. They couldn't believe at 1st that I was feeling it, and finally they knocked me out to finish delivering my sons. They sent my husband out, which I didn't know until after I woke up.
I think I was out for over an hour or so before I woke up throwing up. That is the 1st thing I remember, wonderful isn't it. I hurt so much. And I would hurt for over a month later. It would burn so much I had to stop and just bend and kneel down. When I finally was out of the fog, they told me the babies were fine and going good. I had 1 strawberry blond headed baby and 1 darker brown headed baby. Both were indeed boys. They finally brought me by twins and I got to nurse and hold them for the 1st time. I didn't nurse my oldest (another story), so this was my 1st time. It took us about a 3 weeks to get the hang of it. But I loved it. I loved being able to feed my babies.
I remember just looking at them and thinking I have 2 babies. I carried 2 babies. And that God had a sense of humor. They looked so peaceful and so beautiful. The peace didn't last long, but thankfully for them and me they stayed cute. Their 1st year or two wasn't easy. They cried allot and didn't sleep good all the time. I also had a not quite 19 month old when I had my twins. I had little to no help during the day when my husband and mom were at work. I ended up having post parrdum depression which I didn't know until I had my daughter 25 months later. I often wonder how it would have been if I had know and gotten help.
Fast forward 9 years and here I am today. Still a mother of twins. I can't imagine not having my twins. I can't imagine not seeing their faces each morning and their hugs and kisses throughout the day. They have never really acted like "twins" and until recently they didn't even understand how being a twins really meant. I think that is because they don't remember ever being just them. They always had a big brother so close in age that it was like they were always together. So they just acted like 3 brothers and not 1 brother and a set of twins. We started to separate them around age 2 at church and preschool. It worked well for the most part, but I missed having them together.
When they started kindergarten I asked about putting them together, but was told no. I chose not to fight it in 1st grade either. But I did push for it in 2nd and requested them to be put in the same class. I also requested the same 2nd grade teacher my older son had. I was able to get both requests. They got the same teacher as my oldest had and they were together. I was nervous at first, but the teacher put me as ease when she assured me everything would be fine. And she was right. They did great together. And it was so much easier to have "1" teacher than 2. They didn't bother each other, they were never place by the other. They didn't seem to mind the other was in the same class. They actually I think liked it better being together. I liked it better too. So they are now in 3rd grade and still together. They again have the same teacher my oldest had for 3rd grade. And they are again doing well. I plan to continue to keep them together as long as they want to be together and they don't bother the other.
So Happy Birthday my Sweet Twins!!
Well, I was in the L&D and just wanting for them to get ready. They were told that someone was going to be going into the OR and they didn't want to wait any longer. So they did my epidural and sent me to the OR. Thing was I wasn't numb all the way. When they started to cut me open, I started to feel it on my right side. And it hurt. It hurt worse than any other pain I have ever been through. They couldn't believe at 1st that I was feeling it, and finally they knocked me out to finish delivering my sons. They sent my husband out, which I didn't know until after I woke up.
I think I was out for over an hour or so before I woke up throwing up. That is the 1st thing I remember, wonderful isn't it. I hurt so much. And I would hurt for over a month later. It would burn so much I had to stop and just bend and kneel down. When I finally was out of the fog, they told me the babies were fine and going good. I had 1 strawberry blond headed baby and 1 darker brown headed baby. Both were indeed boys. They finally brought me by twins and I got to nurse and hold them for the 1st time. I didn't nurse my oldest (another story), so this was my 1st time. It took us about a 3 weeks to get the hang of it. But I loved it. I loved being able to feed my babies.
I remember just looking at them and thinking I have 2 babies. I carried 2 babies. And that God had a sense of humor. They looked so peaceful and so beautiful. The peace didn't last long, but thankfully for them and me they stayed cute. Their 1st year or two wasn't easy. They cried allot and didn't sleep good all the time. I also had a not quite 19 month old when I had my twins. I had little to no help during the day when my husband and mom were at work. I ended up having post parrdum depression which I didn't know until I had my daughter 25 months later. I often wonder how it would have been if I had know and gotten help.
Fast forward 9 years and here I am today. Still a mother of twins. I can't imagine not having my twins. I can't imagine not seeing their faces each morning and their hugs and kisses throughout the day. They have never really acted like "twins" and until recently they didn't even understand how being a twins really meant. I think that is because they don't remember ever being just them. They always had a big brother so close in age that it was like they were always together. So they just acted like 3 brothers and not 1 brother and a set of twins. We started to separate them around age 2 at church and preschool. It worked well for the most part, but I missed having them together.
When they started kindergarten I asked about putting them together, but was told no. I chose not to fight it in 1st grade either. But I did push for it in 2nd and requested them to be put in the same class. I also requested the same 2nd grade teacher my older son had. I was able to get both requests. They got the same teacher as my oldest had and they were together. I was nervous at first, but the teacher put me as ease when she assured me everything would be fine. And she was right. They did great together. And it was so much easier to have "1" teacher than 2. They didn't bother each other, they were never place by the other. They didn't seem to mind the other was in the same class. They actually I think liked it better being together. I liked it better too. So they are now in 3rd grade and still together. They again have the same teacher my oldest had for 3rd grade. And they are again doing well. I plan to continue to keep them together as long as they want to be together and they don't bother the other.
So Happy Birthday my Sweet Twins!!
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