Still Living

Well, I am still here.  I am still living.  I am still breathing.  I am still leaning on God each and every day.

I have come along ways in the past 9 months.  I have learned who my real friends are.  I have learned who I can truly trust and who really cares about me.  I have learned how strong I am in my Faith.  I have seen how strong God has molded me to become.

I miss my babies so very much.  But I don't cry everyday anymore. I do cry often, though.  I don't ask God why much anymore.  I have learned to seek God so much more than I have ever had to.  I have learned to stop talking and listen to God more.  I have heard God through my heart so much more than I have ever before. 

I could never have gotten to where I am now without God.  He gives me the air I breath every day.  He gives me the strength to get up each morning.  He heals my heart a little more each day.  He has given me the promise of seeing Isaac and Sweet Pea once day.  He has blessed me with knowing that my babies are in Heaven.  They are waiting for me. 

I will NOT let the people in my life that don't care about me get to me.  I will not allow someone in my life that is not safe.  I will not allow things in my life to be more important that they need to be.  I will not allow people to pull me down with lies or gossip.  I will not allow myself to be apart of people lives or groups of people that are poison.  You all those types of people and groups.  I don't need them.

I went to my 1st support group meeting yesterday for Miscarriages and Baby Loss.  I wasn't going to go, because my friend that was going to go with me.  Couldn't because she has sick kids.  I kept feeling God tell me you need to go.  If you want to be able to start a group of your own, you need to start going to one.  So I got up and asked my Hubby if it was still ok for me to go.  He of course said yes.  So I took a quick shower and got dressed.  I left a little early since I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get there.  I haven't been at this hospital for a long time.  My dad died at this hospital, so that made it a bit harder.

But I still went.  I got there around 6:15 and was told on the phone earlier that the meeting was suppose to start at 7pm.  But that person was wrong, it started at 7:30.  So I was a little over an hour early.  So I just sat in a comfy chair and played on my phone and went potty a ton.  I think it was the nerves on top of a small bladder.

So around 7:10, the lady that runs the meeting showed up.  She introduced herself and she and I talked until the other ladies showed up.  Only 2 other ladies showed up last night.  Because I wouldn't want them sharing my info and life story with other people, I won't do that to them.  So that is all I will say about them.  I guess there are usually a few other ladies, but they didn't come.

We sat and talked about our stories, and what has and hasn't helped us through our journey.  It was nice to be in a room with other ladies that know the pain your going through.  We got done around 9:30 or so.  I talked to the lady that ran the group.  I told her that I wanted to be able in time to start my own group at my church.  She gave me some info to go online and look at.  I am excited to see where God brings me on this journey.  Over all, I enjoyed the group.  I hope that my friend can come with me next time.  I know she could use this group too.

So that is about it.  School is less than 5 week from being over.  Then we have summer.  I am looking forward to using my MIL's pool this summer.  Because of bed rest and losing Isaac last summer, we didn't get to use it much.  We are also looking forward to a much needed Family Vacation.  The kids are so excited about it!  And then in July I am going to the Scentsy Convention.  I am looking forward to that as well.

I am so glad I got to sit down and blog.  It has been a long time since I have had time.  I have post in my head from time to time.  Just don't have the time to post them. 

So how are my followers doing?  Hope to hear from you :)

Christi

April 1st (AKA April Fools Day)

How many of us have posted on FB that we were pregnant but it was just a joke?

I am guilty of this.  I did it last year.  Funny thing is, I was truly pregnant about 2 weeks later.  I wrote that I was 5 months pregnant with our 2nd set of twins.  Some people thought I was for real, others didn't believe me.

Fast forward a year, and I saw a post on one of my miscarriage support groups.  They asked if anyone else had any one post for a joke that they were pregnant.  The ladies were upset and hurt by this.  I can understand now.  I would have been hurt too.  It hurts to see when people post they are pregnant, when we haven't conceived yet.

But I also feel like we need to be careful not to take everything so personal.  They do it as a joke, they don't even think about how "those of us, that have lost babies" will feel.  So question is, is it their responsibility to think about it or for us to just breath and let it go.

I think it goes both way.  We need to stop taking things so personal and people need to start thinking about people around them.  I don't think everyone truly thinks before they speak and most of them don't mean to hurt us.  Now, I have seen people that do mean to hurt us, and that is just wrong.

I've had several people start talking about wanting more babies in front of me.  And I just want to scream, "are you kidding me??" Do you have to talk about that right now???  In front of me??  That is where I need to remind myself, that they aren't doing it to hurt me.  They just aren't thinking.  They have NO idea how much that hurts.

So I am trying with myself.  To try and not to take things so personal

Christi