The School Year Has Started

Yesterday was my 5 Earth Blessing 1st day of the new school year.  It was a tough day and I knew it would be. 

My youngest started Kindergarten.  And I miss him.  If I hadn't had both my loses I would have a baby at home with me.  So it's just another reminder of what I have lost.  My house is so quiet and empty.  I miss my kids.  I don't miss the fighting and arguing.  But I miss the hugs and kisses.

I have spent most of the last 2 day's sleeping.  I think my body is just wore out and a bit sad.  I know it may take another week or 2 to get adjusted to my "New Normal".  So I am enjoying the sleep, since I don't sleep well at night anymore.  It helps me catch back up a bit.

I asked my baby if he had a good time at school.  He said yes.  I asked if he missed me, he said no.  I was a little sad.  But I know he does. but is just really loving school right now.  And for that I am glad.  I was really afraid that he would have a meltdown and not want to leave.  I was afraid he would cry so much as school that they would call me to come and get him.

But instead he is doing great.  He came home yesterday and said.  I didn't get in trouble today.  I said that is good!  He also told me he got chocolate milk at lunch.  I asked why (they were all told not to get anything from school for breakfast or lunch since they bring their lunch and eat breakfast at home).  He said he was thirsty.  I asked why he didn't bring his water.  He said they wouldn't let him bring his backpack with him.  So he couldn't take his water.  Silly boy, he thought because his water was in the pocket of his backpack that he had to take his backpack with him to lunch.  So I had to explain to his to take his water bottle out of his backpack and take it to lunch with his lunchbox.  So I am hoping today goes better.

My daughter said she had a good day.   She got to bring her "Big Reader" book home and looked reading it.  She actually had homework.  I was a little surprised. But it is what it is.  We worked on spelling words.  She had a melt down.  And we worked through it and got it done. 

My twins flipped out when I told them they were going to practice their spelling words.  They won't take a test until a week from Friday, but I told them they were going to practice now.  That didn't go well.  But we got it done.

And my oldest didn't have any homework, but he did read for about 15 minutes.  Just to have something to do.  He is also grounded from TV until Friday because of a bad attitude this morning.  I wasn't going to take any more of it.  So he is now grounded.

I had my support group for baby loss yesterday.  I have missed the past 2 months so it was so good to go back.  There were some new ladies and a few I have already met.  It is always hard to see the fresh pain.  Pain that is so real and so tough.  But I am glad there is a group like this for women like me.  So that we know we're not allow.

It now has been 10 months since I lost Sweet Pea.  It's hard because I think with it being my 2nd loss  and wasn't as long as Isaac.  Many people just tend to forget him.  They forget that I had a second loss. Heck most people have forgotten Isaac too.  Why would they remember Sweet Pea??  I have to remind myself and others.  I am still grieving.  It hasn't been a year yet.  I still have the right to have up and down days.  Most days are good.  But I still have tough days.  I miss my Sweet Pea just as much as I do Isaac.  It may have been harder to lose Isaac, because he was our 1st loss and so new to us.  But losing Sweet Pea killed me too.  I just knew what to expect with it just being 13 1/2 weeks after I lost Isaac.

I am hoping to do a small party for Sweet Pea like we did for Isaac.  It just makes it a bit harder, because it will fall on a school night.  It actually falls on the day my daughter will have dance class.  So my hubby will be taking her that day.  I am not going to put myself in a situation where I know I will not do good.

So I guess that is it for now.  I will add some pictures from Isaac's party soon.  Just have a few other things I need to do 1st.

Christi

A Poem to Touch Our Hearts

I saw this poem on facebook.  And I had to copy it.  So here it is:

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today,
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"

And I know I heard him say:
...

A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, he replied
With confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies,
When they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.

He took a breath,
and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing Here...

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

Author Unknown